Powerlessness

Step one... been here a few times. 

I have made some amazing self discoveries in the last two weeks... getting at my childhood issues.  Discovering patterns and reasons.  Self awareness is an amazing thing... and downright scary!

My first knee jerk reaction?  This is uncomfortable.  So I want to jump feet first back into my comfortable old patterns of dysfunction.  They don't work for me anymore - but I have lived there for so long I am used to calling it home.

This is powerlessness.  The obsessive compulsive thinking that keeps my life in an unmanageable mess.  If I can remind myself I am powerless, I can stop blaming myself. I can stop feeling shame.  I can start to let go.  I can admit my life is a mess when I try to run the show.  I can surrender - this isn't working anymore. 

Today I will realize I am powerless - not perfect... I can forgive myself and take responsibility to restarting the journey to serenity, one day at a time.